we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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