im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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