Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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