i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
