At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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