I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
as a side note pls kill me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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