Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
