she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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