i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
