Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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