Define "chronic" masturbator.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
