you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
