Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
