Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
