thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
