smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
