i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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