making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
