You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
