i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
