I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
