you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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