he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
