We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
