If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
