lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
zippers are such a cool invention
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
