That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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