I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
