Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
