Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
