Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
