Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
