the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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