remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
