I think im going to throw up on grandma
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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