My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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