after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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