I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
