his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
