i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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