he puts the penis in happiness.
The best revenge is premature balding
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
