so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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