and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
