I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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