WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
