Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
