My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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