pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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