i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
