There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
