If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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