whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
