The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
