Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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