Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
