what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
