Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
