i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
