My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
