I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
