the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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